Feel Weird About Sending Food Back? Here’s How to Handle It With Class

If you’re shy about telling a restaurant your meal is disappointing, you should know that good restaurants welcome feedback. They’d rather have you send your food back for another try than have you never come back.

Pin

You Should Have What You Ordered

Have you ever had a meal at a restaurant that just didn’t live up to your expectations? Maybe the steak was overcooked, the pasta was undercooked, or there was an ingredient you didn’t expect.

It’s an awkward situation, but one that many of us have found ourselves in at one point or another. The question is, what do you do in that moment?

Do you just grin and bear it, even though you’re not fully satisfied with your meal? Or do you politely let your server know that there’s an issue, in the hopes of getting it resolved?

A lot of people feel really uncomfortable about sending food back. There’s a sense of not wanting to cause a fuss or make a scene.

But the truth is, if there’s a legitimate issue with your meal, you have every right to speak up about it. The key is to do so in a calm, polite way. You don’t have to be That Person about it.

I’ve been on both sides of this story – I’ve waited tables and I’ve dined at restaurants and sent food back. The tips I’m sharing here come from that personal experience.

How to Send Back Food

1. First, Make Sure You’re Right

The first step is to take a step back and really evaluate what’s going on with your meal. Is there a genuine problem, like an undercooked steak or incorrect order? Or is it more of a subjective preference, like the dish not being quite to your taste? Or is it that the waiter misunderstood what you wanted, or maybe you even miscommunicated it?

If there’s a clear issue with the quality or preparation of the food, then it should simply be sent back. But if it’s just a matter of personal preference, I personally choose to keep the food and remember not to order it next time.

As a general rule, most people will say you should only send food back if there’s something objectively wrong with it. That could be things like:

• Food that’s undercooked, overcooked, or improperly prepared
• Dishes that contain ingredients you specifically requested not to be included
• Orders that are completely wrong (e.g. you ordered a chicken dish but were served beef)
• Food that tastes spoiled or is otherwise unsafe to eat

Most people will say you should only return food if there’s something objectively wrong with it. But if the taste is so unexpectedly bad to you (i.e., it’s got cilantro everywhere, and you have the genes that make cilantro taste like soap), even if it’s subjective, a lot of restaurants will happily bring you something else rather than let you have a bad experience.

You are absolutely entitled to a meal that’s made from decent ingredients, meets the description in the menu, and tastes good to you. 

2. Politely Inform Your Server

Okay, so you’ve determined that there’s a legitimate issue with your meal. Now it’s time to let your server know about it. The key here is to be polite, calm, and professional in your approach.

Remember, the person who brings you your food did not cook it, so don’t treat them like it’s their fault. Servers are motivated to make you happy and will advocate for you in the kitchen. Give them the benefit of the doubt. If they don’t take care of it, that’s when you ask to speak to a manager.

Start by discreetly catching your server’s eye and letting them know you’d like to speak with them. When they come over, explain the issue in a matter-of-fact way, without placing blame or getting emotional.

Something like “Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but my steak is a bit undercooked and I was hoping you could have the kitchen prepare it a little more.”

Avoid phrases like “this is unacceptable” or “I can’t believe you did this.” Those come across as confrontational and can put the server on the defensive. Instead, use neutral language that focuses on the problem at hand and your desired resolution.

It’s also a good idea to be specific about what you’d like them to do. Do you want the dish remade entirely? Or would you just like them to have the kitchen cook it a bit longer? Servers want to do what you want, but it may not be obvious to them what that is.

Finally, thank the server for their assistance. Even though there’s been a problem, acknowledging their willingness to help goes a long way. A simple thank you or even “I really appreciate you taking care of this for me” can make a big difference.

3. Be Patient and Polite Throughout the Process

Once you’ve informed your server of the issue, it’s important to be patient and understanding as they work to resolve it. Restaurants can get busy, and it may take a few minutes for them to get your replacement dish or have the kitchen re-cook your meal.

During this time, resist the urge to get visibly frustrated or annoyed. Raising your voice or getting angry is only going to make the situation more tense and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

When your corrected meal does arrive, be sure to inspect it thoroughly to ensure the issue has been resolved. If it’s still not right, politely let your server know and give them another opportunity to make it right. If the problem has been addressed, let them know you appreciate it and enjoy the rest of your meal.

4. What Resolution Should You Expect?

A lot of big chains will offer to cook another meal for you, or to cook a different meal at the same cost, or to give you a freebie like dessert. Some restaurants will offer to take off the cost of that particular meal, too.

Smaller restaurants may be less generous because they have smaller profit margins. It’s a very low profit business, so try to have patience with smaller restaurants on this.

In general, they should offer to fix or replace the food. But sometimes customers expect a free dessert, a discounted bill, or a coupon for a future visit, and that’s not what small restaurants are prepared to give you.

Your goal – and expectation – should simply be to get the issue with your meal resolved, not to try and get something for free. Yes, there are some customers who complain just in hopes of getting freebies. And restaurants I’ve worked at have politely asked them never to come back after they do this a few times in a row.

Ultimately, the restaurant’s job is to make sure you leave satisfied with the food and service you received. As long as they do that, you’re getting what you paid for, even though things weren’t perfect. 

5. Complain Early

Speaking of people who complain just to get free food, one of their tricks is to eat most of their meal, then insist it was inedible and must be taken off the bil. If you eat most of it, the restaurant staff may wonder how bad it could have been.

But some people also keep eating to see if the dish starts to taste better to them. If you do that, be aware you need to stop well before you get to the end if you want them to believe you found the dish unsatisfying.

6. Consider The Restaurant’s Perspective

What if a server or manager politely explains to you that you’re mistaken? Consider that they may be correct.

I have definitely misread the menu or ordered incorrectly at times. And sometimes the thing that tasted so weird to me in a dish was just an unfamiliar ingredient I didn’t know I hated – caraway seed showing up in spinach and artichoke dip is an example I remember vividly.

Be willing to admit or acknowledge your role in any misunderstanding. That said, they should still offer to fix something else for you at no charge.

7. Give Good Feedback When It’s Warranted

Far more people will speak up when something disappoints them than when it pleases them. It’s actually very helpful if you let people know when the food or service was particularly good.

If you get the chance, tell it to a manager so they’ll know which staff members are excelling.

8. Don’t Use Online Reviews as Revenge

You may want to leave a review of the restaurant online. This can be a great way to provide feedback, both positive and negative, to help other diners make informed choices.

But don’t use the review as an opportunity to vent your frustrations about something you didn’t give the restaurant a chance to correct. Instead, stick to the facts of what happened and how the situation was handled.

If the restaurant did a good job of resolving the issue with your meal, be sure to mention that in your review. Let others know that while there was an initial problem, the staff was responsive and professional in addressing it.

On the flip side, if you felt the restaurant didn’t handle the situation well – for example, if they were dismissive of your concerns or didn’t make a sincere effort to correct the problem – you can note that as well. But do so in a calm, constructive way, without resorting to personal attacks or inflammatory language.

The goal should be to provide helpful feedback that gives future diners a realistic sense of what to expect. That way, they can make an informed decision about whether or not to visit the establishment.